I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.
Mother Teresa

Finally writting!!

Even though two of my up coming posts are ready still I don't feel like posting them....a few touch-up's are still required & I'm not in the flow...i guess.

Well, I always had this deep desire to read Bhagavad-Gita may be because i've seen my father reading one since the day i can remember & the other reason is, there is an old saying in Odiya which says "Bujha na bujha padha Gita, ruchu na ruchu khawa pita" which means, even if you dont understand Bhagavad-Gita, read it, like the way you should eat bitter foods even though don't like it!!!!
This saying is quite famous & you can hear it from every other person. But it never mattered, until the day my Philosophy Lecturer said this, she is amongst those whom I look up to.She have a very pleasing personality and she never taught us for the shake of teaching or for our exams but for a better reason and that day i tried.....tried to read Bhagavad-Gita for the first time!
But after reading two lines I gave up.
Actually the concept, the pictures in Bhagavad-Gita are very scary......at least i find them to be so.
Nearly 5 years have passed but the desire still remains the same, so yesterday I gave it the second (may be final) try and covered the first page without understanding a single line!!!! But that doesnt matter.....after all I don't want to die with the desire in my heart..

Like it is said, "Your instinct is your best guide"!!

My Dipawali Resolution

Prior to writing this post, I just visited Wikipedia and came to know that Dipawali is not only a significant festival in Hindu religion but it also plays an important role in other religions like Buddhism, Sikhism & Jainism. It is well known that in Hindu religion, Dipawali is the celebration of Sri Ramchandra’s return to Ajodhya after 14 years, it also signifies the victory of good over the evil & light over the darkness.
To continue with my resolution, its cause…. effect etc……I’ll first share a little bit about myself so as to make it a bit easier to understand ……….so please bear with it!!
Being born & brought up in Bhubaneswar, I still, have not been able to realize or accept the rapid changes that have taken place over the last few years. Roads are widen, growing no. of apartments, buildings, schools, colleges, traffic, cutting down of trees, changed lifestyles and a hell lot of other things........admits all this I long for the many other things which are forgotten.
Looking down my memories lane, I remember the place where I’ve spent most of my childhood, it was a small colony with few families around & there was a big open space in front of our house, to the other end there was a small mango yard and it was so dense & dark……. like the one’s we here in stories where “a big bad giant lived and never allowed any kid to come near him”, even we heard such stories like, "it’s the home of the person who once lived their and one day he died, now he is buried there and his ghost moves all around the place" so we never went close to that place. But during summer afternoons we could here the cuckoo’s singing from those mango trees and along with them I would start sing and yes not to forget those raw mangoes………yummiest (which my elder sister use to fetch for us).During winter season, the mornings use to be covered with fog and little drops of waters on the grass were collected and little birds would come to collect their food as well as sticks, threads and all sorts of things that we throw, they would pick them up one by one to build their nest. And whenever I lied down in our varanda and stared at the sky, thousands of twinkling stars will raise as many questions in my hearts as many stars are there in the sky. All this amazed me as a little kid. I’ve never played with barbi dolls and video games but the games we have played were much more interesting than your video games. Playing in the sand, running after the butterflies, creating shapes out of mud………..oh what a bliss it was. And yes, we never had any skin infections!
Back then people lived in somewhat harmony with the nature, like trees, birds, street dogs, cows…..everything. There were so many birds, healthy puppies seen around and whenever I visited the market with my father I have never ever seen someone return a cow or an ox without feeding it.
I won’t be shocked if someone fails to understand me, after all we are “DEVELOPING”.
But developing means what? And at the cost of what? I’ll keep that for another post.

So, My Dipawali resolution is to, not be a part of this selfish celebration. Every year, in the name of celebration…..and blah-blah reasons we cause so much harm……..i wont speak of air pollution & all that there is hardly someone who is not aware……sorry, informed about it but what about the poor animals & birds, I wonder where they must be hiding. Even, our pet cat “pusy” use to run and hide under the cot frightened of the noise and fire ……….. and the street dogs along with their little puppies will take shelter in drain pipes and bushes. Just think about birds & other creatures.
When I shared my thought with my brothers, my younger one said, “What’s the use? It’s not going to help them in any way”. To which I replied, “Why should I think that I’m helping someone, let’s help ourselves first. I just don’t want to do it. It might be a drop in the ocean but then what is an ocean? Collection of many such drops na… ”.
And think, if those creatures could speak won’t they say, “Enough man, we understand Sri Ramachandra came back after many years and you were so happy that you forgot us, but at least wake up now! Its been more than a decade. How long are we going to hide here & there, can’t you see it at all?”
The other way which has been adopted in DEVELOPED countries and towards which we are proceeding is keeping those animals in confinement…………which is the most pathetic thing man has ever done and will ever do. What makes us think that the earth is especially build for humans and the rest of the creatures are under its authority.
No points for the answer. With that I’ll end my post, wishing every one a very happy Dipawali and may this year it bring about a little lights within ourselves.

A drop in the ocean

The day i introduced " Its Your turn" in blog, my sole intention was to share these numbers, hoping to add a drop in the ocean.
Today I'm happy to share that, many of my friends have saved these numbers and secondly, when my brother called and asked for the Ox help line number yesterday I got to know that an ox in our locality has met with an accident & was badly injured. He has been roaming around bleeding since last few days, i'm sure many people must have seen him and turned blind for one hundred & one reasons.
Even though the helpline people couldn't come down but helped with necessary first aid required.We don't know how much it would help him but we are surely not giving up. Though he seems fine, but it feels much better than watching him die.
Now at least, one excuse is reduced out of the one hundred and one reasons.

Thanx Manas bhai & Bhai.

Its ok....to be, not ok……

Oh, God please …..
In the last few days, I’ve visited so many blogs that I can’t believe myself. I saw poetry blogs, informative blogs, image blogs, designs blogs, personal blogs and so many different blogs that,now I can confidently say, I’m addicted. But one thing I noticed and I must admit, every blog is unique in its own way, every one have their own style of writing, expressing themselves and that people can be ridiculously creative and entertaining. In one word AWESOME!
So, hats off to all the bloggers who have been blogging for ‘something’ and ‘nothing’.
You must be thinking that I’m gonna dedicate this post to all the bloggers in the world including me, but, no. B’coz its not necessary!!! We are great, guys.
Actually the purpose of writing this post is something else, like we all know, every day is not a grate day, similarly yesterday was not so nice day for me, I was irritated,tired, exhausted and all the synonyms of these words.


I really had a bad day, so bad that while returning from office, I was silently cursing everything that I could catch hold of. How difficult life is, how much traffic, why cant I change my blog header, why the hell are people self obsessed,etc etc .When I was about half km away from my home, there’s a junction point and I saw this tall guy, see the following pic.
Lets say the pink dot is me and the black one is the tall guy(who was walking in his sleep), I was about to take the straight road ahead of me and the same was evident for him also. I am cleaver enough to forecast that we were definitely going to meet at the same point and suddenly all my frustrations started accumulating, what does the world thinks of itself? ‘these men, they are only responsible for everything, the polluting, corruption…..and… and everything. Looking at the guy from the corner of my eyes, I thought, what do they think, we would silently surrender to all this, NO, NEVER. So…….so, I would never, ever let him cross ahead of me, I promised to myself. I started walking faster but with ease. I was 99.9% sure that we would meet at one point and then I will take my revenge, I wont let him cross me, he have to make way for me FIRST (the poor guy was not even aware of my presence, forget about my devil thoughts).
We walked, step after step, with each step a little closer to my set destination. ( me aware & he unaware), and suddenly I was there, O’shit…..shit, my calculation had gone wrong, what the hell ……how could I …… how could I….o no, how could I forgot the fact that he is a TALL guy and his steps are obvious to be longer than mine, I should have walked a bit faster………..
Shit, shit, SHIT……
Want to know what happened next?
We almost hit each other, just saved by a second. The guy almost fell down, walking with full gear when he saw me in front of him………(God knows what he was thinking), he reacted as if he has seen a ghost, he immediately applied the self brake(may be his sub-conscious mind reminded him of me being a girl) and as a result of his brake, his sandals actually, made a sound like zrreeekkkkk. I (so smart) took the benefit of that 1 sec and crossed him, I could sense that he was looking at me, even though I wanted to do the same (how badly I wanted to see his expression) but I did not, instead I pulled my chin up and walked straight like a princess, as if nothing has happened (with all the pride on my success).
Well, I felt as if I’ve made the entire female kingdom proud!!!

The chapter’s closed, but, when ever I think of the zrreeekkkkk sound I cannot stop laughing at myself and the not so poor guy.
Well sometimes its ok, to not be ok……



With Love.

Why a career....

I believe that, every creation has a purpose to accomplish within this small span of time allotted to us.
There’s a war going on inside me to know, ‘my purpose of life’, before that I want to know, what exactly I ‘want’. Because it will ultimately take me to the final avenue and then to the destination.
Belonging to a conservative family, I’m lucky enough to have very supportive brothers & sister, but, my parents and the society (upto some extent) holds me from exploring myself fully.
And yes, the support that I enjoy also comes with, if….but…then….
There are a hell lot of things bothering me, and I’ll jot them down in my upcoming posts.

The rampant one is, Career vs Livelihood?

How badly, we have confused livelihood with career and by doing so we are not only desolating our present but also the many future generations ahead of us.
We earn money to live or we live to earn money???
It’s quite visible what we are doing.

We are gifted with a life, good or bad, smooth or harsh, blessed or cursed, but the fact is, we have it, and it depends on us how we are going to live it.

The fact that I’m sitting here, writing all this is due to the pressure, pressure of expectations,
Funny ha!!!
My father being a central government service holder thinks that a god job (grate if Govt.) and material possession (as much as possible), makes a life complete or secure or whatever. He has a valid point, he has worked really hard to be where he is. But then it was his odyssey, it can’t be mine or everyone’s. And not to forget, even the society is not going to give approval to your existence until and unless you prove yourself, that too according to their understanding…….
I’m sure every individual must have been through this, in some point of their life. Some accept it and run with the crowd, some enjoy it while others break it and find their own paths.
As far as I’m concerned, I want to LIVE.

Wake up every morning to the sunrise, lots of hard work and living with the nature through out the day, evenings would bring with it the mysteries of the universe and a peaceful night knowing that the stars are watching you all night.

I know its not so easy, but then, who wants it to be easy???

God has already created enough challenges, what’s the need to create more?
Moreover, career is not a way of living. It’s a rat race. You compete with others instead of yourself. There are times when you may feel happy but never content, you are not recognized for what you are but by your designation, possessions, achievements, recognitions, etc etc etc. You envy others for no reasons and have to keep wearing a mask, hiding not only from them but also ourselves. A career demands a certain quality from us and performing a similar kind of work for 30 yrs we never explore ourselves fully and brutally suppress the many other gifts of God, we devote our time to an artificial environment not realizing its effect and most of all ‘time’ & our family to whom we are responsible for……..the list can go onnnnnnnn.

I just did a little calculation, on this ‘time fact’ and the result is-
One day :24 hrs
We sleep for: 8-9 hrs (minimum)
Work for :8-9 hr (minimum)
Before & after office works:3 hrs (minimum)
Refreshment (Reading news paper, friends, T.V etc): 1 hr (minimum)
Total:21 hr
So left 3 hrs (maximum), it depends how you spend these 3hrs, quality time with family or with yourself, solving family issues, making budget plan, shopping, partying ……….
Let’s add the weekends, total comes to: 3+12=15hrs
In one week time left with us is 15 hrs,
One month: 60hrs =2.5 days
One year: 30 days (maximum)
30 yrs (working period): 900 days = 2 yrs 5 months & 20 days, lets say 3 yrs!!!
Utmost, only for Central govt staff. Forget software engineers, business men, managers etc.
Then after a certain age, our so called secure jobs or high yielding business bids us farewell and we shamelessly, return to the people with whom we have spent this good amount of time expecting what?
The problem is not what we are doing with our lives, its our life & our decision, but who gave us the right to play with the lives of the future generations, with the environment, with other members who are sharing this earth with us?
And what for ……….?

It’s getting lengthier & lengthier and I still can go on, but then I'll get lost........

So collecting back myself, the only thing I wish, is to build life around me, for myself and others.
Wish me luck & lots of Love!!!

Easy to Miss

WE all love stories,no matter which age group we belong to, and I'm so much fond of stories that i've a separate blog for my favorite ones. Recently, i was reminded of a beautiful story which i'm going to post here because its something more than just a story and i want to share it with everyone.

The story -
Once upon a time there lived an orphan boy. He was all alone and had no place to go. But there was one thing his parents left for him, a calf. He walked from one village to the other in search of food and shelter. Sometimes he had to cross rivers in order to reach the other village. And whenever he would come across a river, he would carry the calf on his shoulders. Years passed and the boy grew up to become a young man. One day while crossing the river, some villagers saw him and laughed at him. The boy, unable to understand looked at them and a voice shouted from the crowd, "what a big fool, carrying that cow on his shoulder"!

The boy looked at the calf & realized that the calf he was carrying all these years, is no more a calf, but had become a beautiful cow.

Moral of the story- "With practice impossible becomes possible".

When my brother reminded us (me & my little brother) of this story, he said, how sad it is, people could see his practice but couldn't see his love? Why would anyone carry a calf or any other animal all these years, all the way??? How deeply the boy must have been attached to the animal.It was not practice but his love which gave him the strength.

So true!!!

Would I or you will ever carry 'anything' on our shoulder and not feel the pain? or would we do it for the sake of 'practice'?

No, for sure. I wish, we could see beyond the limits of our eyes and may be then we will be able to see the inner beauty of every person, of every object and even of the tiniest creation on this earth & understand their true essence.

With Love!

Tomorrow is Rakshabandhan

Yes tomorrow is Rakshabandhan or Rakhipurnima and I won't get a holiday.Its the day when sisters tie rakhi in the wrist of their brothers,its a way of expressing your love towards them. And yes we get gifts too.
My little brother has been giving me the same gift since last many years and I love it, a hug!
Even though I don't wait for any occasion to express my love but not getting a holiday is not very pleasing. I'm sure many working people must be feeling the same.
Actually it the festive flavor which is makes the whole environment lazy nothing else.
During school days, we use to get so many holidays like Ganesh Puja, Swaraswati Puja, Dushera, Diwali, Holi, Christmas Holidays, Summer vacations and many more.
I guess its one of the disadvantages of being grown-ups!!!

Love to all!!

A little Prayer

Oh God,

I don’t ask for Fancy Food, Home made Food will do.

I don’t ask for Dunlop Beds, Hard Floor will do.

I don’t ask for Branded Clothes, Cotton dresses will do.

I don’t ask for Polished Roads, the Roads Not Taken will do.

I don’t ask for Amitab Bachan’s fan, Family’s Love will do.

I don’t ask to be Famous Five, my lovely Friends will do.

I don’t ask for a life of Dreams, a Simple Walk in life will do.

I don’t ask for a Magic Stick, instead my Hands you gave will do.

I don’t ask for all the Luxury, a Healthy Life instead will do.

I don’t ask for World Peace, a little Peace in every life will do.

I don’t ask for an Einstein’s brain, my Mother’s Heart will better do.

I don’t ask you to easy things for me, give me the courage that will do.

I Hope, I haven’t asked too much.

Only what you have designed for all!!!

I don't ask for a prefect ending , a rusty one will do...

60+ No work Plz

A few days back while discussing about some work with my colleague who is 65 yrs old, suddenly my back ached and I realized that the seats which has been allotted to him was quite uncomfortable. Once the discussion was over I pulled a comfortable chair from the other room and passed it to him.
Days passed by and once again I witnessed the same emotions, expression on his face which I had witnessed with another colleague(68yrs old) in my previous job.

There's something that pinches me all the time, our education, social & political system promises us a peaceful old age after our life's hard work and dedication then how cum so many people above 60 & 70 years are either working or looking for job?

Is it out of choice?
Is it out of habit? or
Is it due to circumstances?

Whatever the reason is the after effect is something like this:-

1. You can see them sitting in one corner of the office away from everyone else,
2. They are never a part of the jolly happenings in the work place,
3. They are criticized for being slow with their work (obvious at their age),
4. People get irritated and sometimes make fun of them for their disabilities like hearing problem or lack of computer knowledge(which is again obvious)
5. If they have their own group then their discussion consist of their achievements or complains about the young generations irresponsible conduct which in return give way to a cold war.

All these are fine as it happens in close groups BUT the extreme happens when

6. A young boss humiliates an elderly person showing off the power of his position...........

Gosh, I wonder how they take it.

Because if it happens to me........
At work place everyone is judged primarily on the basis of performance (lets ignore the other things for now) and a little mistake..............
someone has said it right "Tong is the deadliest weapon."

May be I'm looking at the whole thing from a negative aspect. It definitely can be argued that they are independent, have a social life and most importantly they are not dependent on their kids.

But I'll still not agree because whenever I look into their eyes all I see is emptiness,going through the files, sipping the cup of coffee, walking from one end to the other in the office and their broken smiles.

The other reason is my grandfather, he is 102 yrs old. He spends his time looking after his animals and between his grand children. He is proud of being able to do all this without any help.
The last time I saw him he was literally talking to a calf, I was shocked and thought his old age has started affecting his brain but later on asking my cousin told me that's the way they live. Their love is not confined to human beings only. And here we go on building roads & buildings in the name of beeeeeepppp development.
Coming back to the point, he is a part of the family with people who understand him and no one criticizes him for his mistakes. Most importantly he is living HIS LIFE.

Which ever way we select, problems are unavoidable but the point is we have a choice, either live your own life or a life designed by others. After all I have this one life man.

I wish, we could spend more time LIVING & less time MAKING A LIVING!!!

Proud to be Oriya - The Ashen Life

What my Low Blood Pressure TAUGHT me

I hate it, I simply hate it. I hate following a set of rules made by someone else which I have to follew. Be it school, college, job or anything else-I dont know why but its just so.

Recently I quitted my job to follow my heart and take the risk of not having "My Money".

I joined back my Yoga classes & made all the plannings to keep myself busy in things 'I Love to do', even a thought of it brings a big smile on my face.

But....but I did not know that in the other end of all my plannings God was standing & smiling. There was this one thing I was not prepared for.

Within three days I got another job much better than my previous one and then
same old stuff:"Be Pratical", "Golden oppurtunity", "No work load", "Money" ,"Savings", "Utilize ur time", "just try it"...........

Its obvious others cannot understand the depth of your feelings until & unless you shout to the World and force them to either understand or accept you. I've seen many such "Majboor parents"

I started doing job just to get he feeling of being independent & earn my own pocket money, but soon I realized I was not happy! I changed from one job to another and ended up changing more than 5 jobs in 4 years :) Yes not to forget the breaks. Now at last when I decided ..........

This Crap was waiting

The decession was more difficult because I've made a single commitment(not possible to disclose)which I cannot break.

I was standing helplessly in between my dreams & my commitment.

At last, I took a decession.
The decession to go with my commitment and joined this new place.

A month has passed and today I'm on leave due to sudden discovery of low blood pressure & feaver.

This morning while discussing with my brother I regretted my decession and my Big Bro said you never know HIS (God) plans.

But at this point, writing down the whole thing I feel I've done the right thing-I simply feel it & it feels good.

Living for myself or my dreams would have brought me immense happiness or satisfraction but giving some years of your life or the whole life to a reason is what i expected from myself.

I dont know what His plan is but as it is said "Every event has a purpose and every setback its lesson".

My blog.......my space

Long time and I was almost disconnected from my blog..........and the reason it quite silly, within 2 months I received "2 comments" at first I thought its good but then............. may be I'm or
the fact is I'm a reserved person who is not very comfortable with new people.
My blog was no more my space???
I tried to remove the comment option and messed up a lot of things. Anyways, I'm ready for a new start hoping never to stop again.......

This is my blog, my space and i'm going to write down all the craps in my head!!!
I'm Free yippee!!!


Well 14 Feb, Valentines day was celebrated in a much strange way here at Orissa..........by tying ribbon(rakhi) on the wrist of your lover :) . One thing i couldn't understand is actually what were this anti-valentine day groups opposing??? Valentine day or Raksha Bandhan, what are they polluting??

1st Feb.....

Happy Birth Day Darling !!!

Economic Crisis

Today somehow the topic of 'economic crisis' came up during the lunch hour in my office.Topics like how so many peoples have lost their jobs,so many peoples are committing suicides, salaries have been cut to half, people are heading back home, recruitment have slowed down etc etc etc.
Every one had their own point of views and a story of their relative or friend or an acquaintance who had suffered badly due to the crisis.There was a kind of sorrowful atmosphere.
As I'm not very good with these thing so I kept quite.
Back home I started analyzing, I looked around and hardly found anyone who has suffered for bread and butter due to recession!!! May be, I have a small social circle or may be, Bhubaneswar is a small place or may be the reason is that I belong to the Middle class society.............
then a question arises which section of the society is really affected and how & why???
To understand properly I went by the division of the society as Upper class, middle class and lower class even though there are many sub divisions but for now lets go with the major ones. Which section is affected more, how and why.Lets start with,
Lower class, people who sleep empty stomach or half filled stomach, with or without basic needs, compromising with life for everything might be food or roof or anything.They either die out of hunger or diseases. As such price of everything is rising every day do you think they are really affected by economic crisis?
Middle class,people with basic needs trying, hard for a better future to cope up with the race with the upper class, this section try to maintain status.
If at all this section is affected I think it is not with their basic need, some degree of compromise is imaginable but the actual challenge is with future savings, statue etc........
Upper class,this section is truly affected by economic crisis not with their needs but badly with status.They live such a materialistic life that a small compromise is unbearable.
On the second thought if at all I'm wrong......lets think that due to economic crisis they were forced to die out of...........hunger?illness?natural calamities?

India Celebrates 60th Republic Day

Today India celebrates its 60th Republic day but I am waiting for the day when the whole world would be free from geographical boundaries.

Countries,Religions,Castes,Racism,Creeds,Class etc etc are created by human beings and the consequences are not unknown.

I wonder how life must have been before the existence of countries, religion,caste,class etc..
Were people the same as they are now or were they FREE.........Free from hatred,competition,comparisons,differences.

Cannot say, but standing at this point of time I know one thing for sure, that these differences have done no good to me, my family(the world) and to my home(the earth).

The man who walked from INDIA to U.S.A

A few months ago I came to know about a man named Satish kumar who walked from INDIA to U.S.A for PEACE.
It made me wonder how come I've never read or heard of him. It looks ridiculous how our mainstream media neglects these personalities and focuses on the Tendulkars and Bachans.

Global warming

Lying on my bed, half asleep I was thinking about the topic of my next post..........either I was dreaming or thinking seriously when this thought that tomorrow I will open my eyes in the lap of nature.. I opened my eyes, well its not impossible.
No drinking water, no electricity, no phone,nothing nothing at all.....
Only Man and NATURE!!!

If you think its impossible watch this video by Al Gore, Former Vice President, Co founder and Chairman of Generation Investment Management

An Inconvenient Truth - Al Gore @ Yahoo! Video

The Lost Innocence

My experience with YOGA.

Since a very early age are taught to respect elders, surrender ourselves to God, worship him, recite slokas, watch our actions....

On the other hand our modern education and the influence of western culture makes all this appear superstitious and baseless.

A fight between the heart and the mind starts.

I always believed, that there things are not just an activity, that this beautiful creation is not just a co-incidence but my education will open up my eyes now and then to the facts.

I was going through a very tough time of my life both emotionally and physically. Then I decided to take up my long pending desire to practice Yoga and I joined Shivananda Yoga Kendra.

Yoga practice starts with a Prayer followed by Ashanas and Pranayam. Saturdays are meant for internal cleaning, (Kunjal & Neti) and sundays are for Meditation.

Swamiji always said Ashanas will give you 40% benefit, Pranayam-60% and Meditation-80%.

Practice of Ashanas is very challenging as well as fun and after Suryanamaskar, Sava-ashan is a privilage. Mostly people fall asleep during Sava-ashan.

The aim of Pranayam is to concentrate on our breaths-the source of our lives. And this takes us deep within.
Because today we are in a state where we are well informed about things happening around us or things that interests us but never take notice of things within us. Otherwise how could we missed on the relationship between two non living things which gives birth to LIFE.

As time passed by, I realized the more I got connected with myself the better I felt.
Today I can say that the solutions to our problems is not outside. No person, no material possession, no government, no country can stop problems from entering into our lives, Problems will find their ways.....

So, if you are tired of blaming others, tired of fighting then its time to look Within.

As far as health problems are concerned, let me tell you, my doctor was surprised to see my blood test report which was absolutely normal .......for Hyper Thyroid(in less than one year)